How have you been? I have been well, thanks in part to a lovely lady called Gill who comes to prod my back every few months. Apparently because I am growing muscles, they need to be prodded regularly to keep them in good shape, and my human pays the lady to do this. My human is nice, but I’m not sure she’s very bright – it doesn’t seem to occur to her that a far easier solution would be for me not to do any work, thus avoiding growing muscles, and any consequent requirement for prodding.
My big news is that apparently next month I’m going to a ‘show’, as my back is now sufficiently muscled and prodded.
I’ve not been to a show before, but Long Legs next door goes to one almost every week, so I asked him about it. He said that the humans plait your mane, and then you go in the big box on wheels. Apparently once you get to the other end, you get out and ponce around between white boards, with your hind end engaged. Now, Long Legs is handsome and very well bred, but sometimes I do wonder if he’s a bit dim. I think he’s got this whole show thing all wrong. This is no doubt why he has to go to so many shows – he’s clearly not doing it right.
Let me explain. When I was in Ireland, I had my mane plaited and went in the big box on wheels. I can assure you, when you get out at the other end there is no requirement to ponce around in circles clenching your buttocks. No, no. What the humans want you to do is to gallop as fast as you can, jumping hedges, fences and anything else that gets in the way. They even bring some dogs along, who run along with you to add to the atmosphere.
So, I think Long Legs’ human probably wants him to jump the white boards at the ‘show’, not prance around in circles between them. His poor human must be so embarrassed when he just goes round in circles, never daring to jump the boards. No wonder he has to go to a show every week, she’s probably hoping he’ll learn. But as I said, I think he may be a bit dim – if he hasn’t learned by now, I’m not sure there’s much hope for the future.
I, on the other hand, shall make my human very proud on our first outing. I have decided that she deserves it, because even though sometimes she’s annoying, she does bring a regular supply of carrots. So when we get to this show, the moment she gets on I shall show her that I know exactly what is required – I’m thinking she might be particularly happy if I set off at a flat out gallop the moment she gets on? She’s not seen my fifth gear yet, I’m sure she’ll be delighted to see I’m chomping at the bit to jump those white boards. Or indeed anything else that gets in the way.
Looking forward to updating you on my little outing next month
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